Let’s talk about this mess we see online—Black men and women beefin’ over who gets their plate first or debating child support when a kid’s haircut costs $45. What’s really goin’ on with us? Where’s the unity and Black love we used to cherish? Instead of upliftin’ each other, we’re pointin’ fingers and askin’ women what they bring to the table, when men should be providers. Let’s dive into why there’s so much division and how we can fix it.
The Great Divide: Education and Earnings
First off, let’s look at some numbers. Black women are out here killin’ it in education. They earn 64% of bachelor’s degrees, 71.5% of master’s degrees, and 65.9% of doctoral, medical, and dental degrees among Black students.
But despite these achievements, Black women still face a significant pay gap, earning only 66% of what non-Hispanic white men make.
On the flip side, Black men are often underrepresented in higher education, which can lead to lower earning potential. This imbalance creates tension in relationships, as traditional expectations clash with current realities.
Why the Online Drama?
The internet amplifies our discussions, but it also magnifies our divisions. Debates about who should get their plate first or child support payments often stem from deeper issues of respect, responsibility, and societal expectations. These arguments can be a way to express frustrations about larger systemic problems that we face daily.
Reclaiming Unity and Black Love
So, how do we move past the bickering and rebuild our unity? Here are some steps we can take:
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Communicate Openly: Let’s have honest conversations about our expectations and the challenges we face. Understanding each other’s perspectives is key.
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Challenge Stereotypes: Both men and women need to break free from traditional roles that no longer serve us. Men can be nurturers; women can be providers. Let’s support each other in these roles.
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Celebrate Achievements: Instead of feeling threatened by each other’s successes, let’s celebrate them. When one of us wins, we all win.
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Build Together: Focus on building strong partnerships where both parties contribute, regardless of who brings what to the table.
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Seek Professional Help: There’s no shame in seeking therapy or counseling to work through personal or relational issues. Mental health is crucial for healthy relationships.
The division we see isn’t insurmountable. By understanding the root causes and actively working towards solutions, we can restore the unity and love that has always been the foundation of our community. Let’s stop the finger-pointing and start lifting each other up. Together, we can thrive.
Black Love in the Digital Age: Stop the Finger-Pointing and Start Leveling Up
Alright, y’all, let’s get into it. Why is the internet our favorite battleground? Why are we in online dating groups, on Twitter, and in Facebook comments throwing shade about who should get their plate first or who’s paying child support when a nine-year-old’s haircut costs $45? What happened to unity? What happened to building each other up?
Too many of us are out here arguing about what the other person should be doing instead of checking ourselves and asking, What am I doing to present my best self in the dating game? Because if you bitter, broke, or blaming everyone else, you ain’t ready for love anyway.
Let’s talk about leveling up, self-improvement, and some etiquette for the online dating and relationship discourse, because some of y’all need a serious timeout.
Step One: Present Your Best Self
Before you even think about who deserves what in a relationship, ask yourself:
✔️ Am I financially stable enough to support myself (and potentially a partner/kids)?
✔️ Do I have unresolved trauma or bitterness from past relationships that I need to heal from?
✔️ Am I bringing peace and stability, or am I a walking tornado looking for someone to clean up the mess?
✔️ Am I happy on my own, or do I need a partner to complete me?
If you’re looking for a partner to fix you, you already lost. The key to a successful relationship is two whole people coming together—not two half-healed folks trauma-bonding over past hurt.
Step Two: Online Dating and Social Media Etiquette
Let’s be real—social media has turned relationships into entertainment, and too many of y’all are out here performing instead of actually building real connections. Here’s how to do better:
🚫 STOP THIS FOOLERY:
❌ Dragging Women for Existing – Quit telling women how to dress, speak, act, or “earn” a man’s love. If she ain’t for you, keep scrolling. You don’t have to tear her down just because she don’t fit your ideal.
❌ Weaponizing “Tradition” – Y’all love saying “back in the day, women did XYZ” but conveniently forget that “back in the day” men were full-time providers. You can’t cherry-pick the past to fit your argument.
❌ Bullying and Harassment – Arguing in the comments for hours? DMing people to harass them over opinions? Screenshooting folks just to roast them? If you got that much time, you should be investing in yourself.
❌ Being Bitter Online – Being single is not a curse. Being single and miserable is the problem. If you hate seeing happy couples, that says more about you than it does about them.
✅ START DOING THIS INSTEAD:
✔️ Respect Personal Preferences – Not everyone wants the same thing. If a woman says she wants a high-earning man, and you don’t qualify, keep scrolling. If a man says he prefers traditional gender roles, and you disagree, move along. Compatibility is key.
✔️ Learn to Take Rejection with Grace – Not everyone is gonna want you, and that’s okay. Stop calling women “gold diggers” because they want financial stability. Stop calling men “weak” because they don’t want to date a woman with kids. People have preferences—respect them.
✔️ Communicate Like an Adult – If you’re interested in someone, shoot your shot respectfully. No games. No “wyd” texts 10 times in a row. No ghosting. And if you ain’t interested? Say so and keep it pushing.
✔️ Be Intentional About Who You Entertain – Some of y’all out here in toxic situations by choice. If you keep attracting drama, you might be the common denominator. Work on yourself so you attract what you actually want.
Step Three: Understand This Hard Truth
🚨 EVERYONE DIES ALONE. 🚨
I know some of y’all out here worried about being “alone forever,” but guess what? We all leave this earth by ourselves. The real question is: How are you living while you’re here?
If you spend all your time arguing, hating, and tearing people down, you gonna die miserable. If you focus on self-improvement, building genuine connections, and treating people with respect, you might just live a full and beautiful life—whether that includes a partner or not.
Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Heal and Rebuild
Instead of arguing, let’s have real conversations. Instead of putting people down, let’s lift each other up. Instead of complaining about what’s missing, let’s be what we’re looking for.
Black love is still alive, but we gotta get out of our own way. Let’s stop performing for the internet and start showing up as the best versions of ourselves in real life.
Love ain’t about power struggles. It’s about partnership. And if we truly want to see more unity, we gotta start by looking in the mirror. 💯
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